Blogger From U.N.C.L.E.

What an arrogant, audacious lot bloggers can be!

I just heard one imperious blogger say of another: "He doesn't write many sentences, but he owns every word that he writes."

Oh, does he now? Really?

We all know that "bloggers are the new rockstars," but did any of us expect that we'd fuck the shark Led Zepellin-syle so early on in the concert?

Blogging isn't even a decade old, and yet here we are -- past the Gladwellian tipping point of excess and decadent over-indulgence.

For some of our high and mighty bloggers, the use of ordinary words is no longer sufficient. They need to own the words they employ. .

Apparently, these snooty man-bitches blogs composed of sentences made up entirely of their own trademarked words, creating, in effect, what amounts to their own wholly owned, privatised languages.

(Not only is this an expensive, time-consuming endeavor-- it's an exercise in haughty absurdity. No blogger, no matter how wealthy he or she might be, can register words that are already in the common parlance, so what are these frivolous elites trying to prove?)

Sadly, this isn't science fiction. Privatised languages are here, and they're real.

Before long, the demon spawn of wealthy bloggers will be tweeting one another in the equivalent of their own "Blackwater-style" language.

I know of only one way for us to nip this trend in the bud: the immediate creation of a "Union of National Common-Language-Enthusiasts: Blogger."

UNCLE B could then force these privatized trademark-aficionado bloggers pay us fee whenever they use one of our common words: "to, you, and, me, he, she, and, they,-- words, like: shit, piss, cock, balls, fuck, or suck, will, always, be, mother, fucking, gold. mines."

The elitist bloggers still won't write many sentences, but they'll know who they're paying every time they're forced to use one of our common words.