Advice For The Young

Although I'm always pleased whenever young people approach me seeking advice about what they should do with their lives, I have to confess that this isn't an easy question to answer, especially since I have always been the type of guy whose one and only flaw is that, when it comes to caring about the concerns of others, I guess that, sometimes I just care too much.

(A doctor once told me that my heart is four times larger than that of the average male.* **)

Since I respect these young, inquisitive souls so much, the last thing I want to do is to bore or patronize them with a predictable platitude, such as "follow your heart."

Such advice always sounds empty, obvious, condescending, and absurd. Think about how it sounds to a hip 18-year-old. "Follow your heart to where?"

One might as well advise them to "follow their kidneys."

High School Seniors are quite adept at detecting when elder is feeding them a Happy Meal-sized portion of steaming horse shit.

Maybe that's why my advice is so highly sought after by America's best and brightest teens. They've heard from their own respected peers that for well over two decades I've made it a practice to never bullshit anybody, and that practice extends even to fuck-witted teens.

So, what do I advise these folks?

Well, first, let me say that, when it comes to giving advice, one size does not fit all, unless you're advising 18-year-olds. Then, it's pretty much "six of one/a half dozen of the other." Anything goes. Just don't confuse them with profundity. They'll get plenty of that in freshman philosophy classes.

I tell each and every one of them that they should "play it by ear."

For whatever reasons, this advice always resonates.

The looks of gratitude I receive after uttering those four short words would be truly humbling to a less confident man.

Yes, there are tears, embarrassment, and nervous laughs, or girlish giggles. And, I've got to admit that sometimes the emotions that are expressed make the moment feel feel a bit awkward and even kinda creepy. Especially when the teen is stoic and I'm the only one emoting.

But there are also the rewards. The bear hugs. The heartfelt "thank you." The friending on Facebook.

And is there any better feeling than that of watching someone, whose life you've just transformed, walking away, feeling better than he or she ever thought possible?

Of course, there are, but not many. ***

When the young one is halfway down the block, I usually cup my palms around my mouth and then shout out a cheerful reminder: "Don't forget! You owe me now! Big Time!"

I love helping people. It's just who I am. I guess you could say that by helping other people find their callings, I wound up finding my own. And I guess you could also do a lot of things. Just do us both a favor and don't come to me for suggestions.



* Rick wasn't technically a practicing medical doctor. His degree was in something to do with government, or poly-sci.

** A Male Howler Monkey.

*** Here are just a few feelings that are better:
all orgasms;
an epic bowel movement;
winning (while someone, who bugs you, loses);
finding a magic lamp;
vending machine drops two candy bars for the price of one;
meeting a leprechaun.